Week 38 (Sept 17 – Sept 23)

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This week, I fell apart – physically speaking. Emotionally, I’ve actually felt a tinge better than I have over the past few weeks/months. But I came down with this terrible cold early in the week, and it hasn’t let up since.

It all began Tuesday night when, for some reason, Jessi and I pulled out all my old journals from college and read through them. I’m so glad I journaled then (and now), even if all the emotions seems melodramatic and/or nonsensical now. So many issues that were such a big deal to me then, I hardly remember now. Breakups, new romances, friends going through traumatic events – I feel that I’ve glazed over many of these things as I’ve gotten older because… well, because that’s what you do!

I’m glad to have these written time capsule like entries, though. They remind me that even now, I’m changing. I’ll read my current journals back a week, month, year, decade from now, and just think “Wow. She really had no idea what was coming.”

Anyways – I went to sleep that night with a slight sore throat, but passed it off comically as a side affect of so much talking. I lived alone for so long, my body doesn’t know how to handle how often Jessi and I talk now! It only got worse throughout Wednesday, though, and an accompanying stuffy nose and cloudy head joined the party.

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Unfortunately, I didn’t get any running in this week, due to this cold. I normally try to push myself, even if I’m feeling a bit under the weather, but this cold has felt so in my chest I didn’t want to risk anything. Instead, I let myself rest without consequence, and tried to walk as much as I could on the days I had enough energy.

I appreciated the time to leisure through my city. No pace to keep up, no hurry, no step-count. I really tried to listen to my body, walking where it wanted to walk, stopping when it felt like it needed a break. I love the hour before sunset – the sun heavy towards one end of the sky, the air just beginning to relinquish the day’s heat.

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This week I finished reading The Alchemist – one of my quicker reads so far! Here’s my review:

I really wanted to like The Alchemist.

And I… did. Mostly. Sort of.

As an artist, a writer, someone who feels this innate sense of creative purpose, I found the narrative inspiring and encouraging. Go follow your dreams! You don’t even have to fully know what your dreams are before following them! Unfortunate things may set you back, but you should still drive forward with what you’re passionate about!

It was very readable, had some genuinely witty moments, and deeply resonating themes.

Here’s the thing: I fundamentally could not get excited about this book because it entirely shut off dream-following from women. No, women don’t have dreams. Women wait for their men in the dessert because…. they’re women? And that’s what women do? Or rather – that IS their dream. How could they want anything more than to support the “leading-role” men in their lives by waiting?

The book had many good qualities and I could see how people love it, but I just couldn’t get over that. As a women struggling with her own ~creative destiny~, it wasn’t great to read about how dreams are achievable for men but non-existent for women.

I mentioned this irritation to a coworker and he seemed exasperated. “Ugh – you’re the second girl I’ve met who said that!” Yes, indeed. I’m not surprised at all.

Finally, I started knitting again this weekend, as I was mainly cooped up in my house! I put a pause on it for a significant chunk of the summer, since it was so warm in my old apartment. Now that I have central A/C, I feel like I can knit much more often without feeling like my hands are in an oven.

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Song of the week: Sea of Love, by Cat Power

This is an old favorite. I almost didn’t play anything since my voice is so dodgy right now, but decided to roll with the imperfection. Thankfully, this song is pretty within my vocal range, so I wasn’t straining myself to sing it.

It’s so relaxed, sleepy, dreamy. All good things. All aspirations this week, as I’ve been trying to let my body heal itself.

This has been a post.

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