Life has been busy.
Too – much.
I felt it this week in a way that landed on my mood like an angry anvil – weighing on the corners of my mind, pressing my energy flat into the ground, making me unable to move in the ways I wanted to.
It’s difficult to thrive in a stressful state – this is obvious. Nevertheless, it felt more apparent to me this week, as I tried to meet my normal goals while balancing a million other “not-every-week” tasks.
I only ran twice. This technically meets my normal goal of cardio 2x a week, but I felt frustrated and angry with myself for not being able to work up the energy to make myself go out again. I felt frustrated and angry with the aspects of my life that I feel I don’t have control over – the one’s that keep me from giving energy to the people and activities I actually care about.
I finally made myself calm down and admit defeat – not defeat. Relieved surrender to the reality that it is okay to stop. It is okay to need to rest. To let yourself sleep. To not run. To exist small for a day, in a corner of the world where you can feed your soul and that’s all.
I went on a walk, but didn’t count the steps. I made a simple meal, didn’t worrying about trying something *new* and *exciting*. I watched a whole lot of Queer Eye and the new Oceans 8, allowing myself the luxury of not having ANY. OTHER. GOALS for the day. It was wildly necessary, and while I don’t feel entirely rejuvenated, I feel closer to balance.
There were some moments of respite this week.
I got to cat sit, which, while that may initially sound stressful / like more work, I actually loved it! I’m not allowed to have a cat at my current apartment, so in a small way, it felt like I got to have a pet for the week. Also Nance, the cat I was watching, is super easy going and fun.
On Friday night, my friends had a gathering to celebrate the end of the semester for Jessi – she made it through her first year of grad-school!! It was nice to have a reason to let loose a bit and just have fun. Something I love about the friends I have in my life: we’re all very kind drunks. Honestly, whenever we all get drinking, we just get very uplifting and complimentary of each other – say the kind things we’re too reserved to say in our non-inebriated states. What a wonderful thing to feel, after having such a hectic, gross week.
I’ve been starting to think about some of my potential goals for the next 6 months – I honestly can’t believe I’ve gotten so far with this set. Some of them flourished far more than I thought (exercise baybee!), and others were… ambitious (writing for publication, recycling…), but overall I’ve been very proud of myself for keeping up with a lot of them. The whole goal was to interact more with my daily life, and I feel I’ve done that.
Some possible 2018.2 ideas:
- No not-natural sugar during the week (omg. yikes)
- Run 7 miles a week (averages out to 1 mile a day, but I could split it up in whatever way works best)
- Go to bed by 11pm on weeknights (I try and do this but never actually succeed… I mean. It’s 11:50pm as I write this right now)
This has been a post.