How it feels when they move on.

It fucking sucks. It really, really fucking sucks to see someone you care about move on, and move on quickly. It will make you feel this deep pressure in your stomach, a gag reaction in your throat. You’ll want to throw your phone out the window, but you’ll also feel the masochistic desire to devour everything they post, relishing in the pain and disappointment you feel when they look happy together.

You’ll want to cry and throw up and hate him, but you won’t. You’ll want to be happy on your own again, but it will take time.

You’ll want to feel superior, you’ll want to rule the world from your small broken corner and make him miss you. Regardless of the outcome, you’ll still feel small. Try not to post things just for him.

Remember it is not a weakness to care. Repeat it to yourself loudly, strongly, say it to yourself in the mirror if you have to. You are allowed to still care even if he doesn’t. Let the heart on your sleeve be your empowering armor.

You’ll want to amend the relationships you let go of in the past – the ones where you hurt people in the same way – the ones where you were the coward. This is a good thing. Follow that intuition. Let the sorrow, the loneliness, the bitterness, the rage, make you kinder, more loving towards the people who have stayed with you.

When you feel the dark thoughts jittering around your mind, force yourself to move. Turn on BØRNS or Grace Mitchell really, really loudly and run, walk, sluggishly drag your body if that’s all you can manage. Scream the lyrics. If the dark thoughts still linger afterwards, let yourself feel them. Be kind to that churning mind – she’s processing for a reason.

Try to remember that just because you’re not the person for him doesn’t mean you’re not a beautiful, complex, intriguing soul. Ask a friend you trust to remind you why you’re worthwhile. You’re allowed to need compliments. You’re allowed to seek help in remembering why you matter.

And you do. You matter.

Feel the true feelings, even when they’re ugly. Feel the true feelings, even when you wish they didn’t exist. Feel the true feelings, even if they feel childish and immature and dramatic.

You’re a human, and as surprising and risqué as it sounds, there is power in your ability to feel it all so very deeply.

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