Super Exciting News!! (and also some thoughts)

Earlier this week, I finished both of my primary tutorials for Hilary Term. Upon writing my last two essays, I was reminded of “The Hollow Men,” by T.S. Eliot–specifically the last stanza:

This is the way the world ends

This is the way the world ends

This is the way the world ends

Not with a bang but a whimper.

I feel like for me, the end of this term (or rather, the end of these two tutorials–I still have a group tutorial on British history next week) came with both a bang and a whimper. I slept for approximately two hours the night before my final papers were due. I think it was the closest I’ve ever come to not being positive that I would be done on time. I mean, I actually submitted one of my essays an hour late, but thankfully, my tutor was gracious and didn’t seem to mind.

Even after I submitted them, I was incredibly anxious the rest of the day, because I didn’t actually have the tutorials until a day later, on Wednesday. In typical fashion, I nearly made myself sick because I was so nervous and excited about my final tutorials. There’s a lot of pressure to make the final essays the best, because it is your last chance to show your tutors that you are actually capable of intelligent thought and that you’ve improved in some fashion over the last seven weeks.

All that said, my anxieties did very little to stop time (they rarely do), and so I went to my final tutorials, and all things considered, they went well! My Brontë essay that I thought was undoubtedly my worst of the semester was actually well received. My romantics tutor said my final essay was my best of the five I’d written for her. With all the bangs and whimpers, all the “pinnacles and steeps” (heyyo Keats) of the tutorial education system, walking out of my final session was probably the most proud of myself I’ve ever been in my whole life. I couldn’t wipe the goofy grin off my face as I walked down the street, just thinking to myself “I did it. I actually did it.” I wanted to celebrate, to do something crazy. I went home and ate a bowl of cereal.

I feel so lucky to have gotten along well with my tutors. Both of them were so intelligent and critical, but in ways that never made me doubt my own capabilities. They would let me know plainly when I was wrong, or when my argument wasn’t strong. Nevertheless, they always affirmed I am a strong writer and I can make well-articulated arguments if I actually put thought into what I’m trying to say.

(Interestingly, in my college career so far, I feel I’ve been able to slip by with relative ease when it comes to writing academic papers. I’ve gotten away with writing research papers or informative essays, rather than arguing something original about what I’m studying. This term has certainly changed that!)

OKAY ENOUGH ABOUT THAT. ONTO THE SUPER EXCITING NEWS:

I am going to be staying in Oxford for an additional term (Trinity Term, which goes from April 20 to June 20!).

This originally wasn’t a part of my plan at all. Actually, I didn’t even know Trinity term existed, let alone was an option for me, until I arrived in Oxford in January. I had to fill out lots of paperwork, and feverishly pester people from APU for signatures on the appropriate documents, but thankfully, everything eventually worked out and now I get to spend another three months studying in this incredible place!

My entire college career, I’ve toggled between Film and English; originally I was going to double major, but after two weeks of trying to balance that, I quickly realized I didn’t have the mentality for the double-major life. By taking tutorials here that count for English credits, I can major in Cinematic Arts Production, minor in English, and still graduate on time in Spring 2016. Hooray for finding a middle ground to appease both of my interests!

I feel incredibly fortunate to have this opportunity. It’s difficult to justify how I could be lucky enough to take two more tutorials here, and to spend three more months in this new place that has become somewhat of a home to me. There must be a limit to happiness–I shouldn’t be allowed to experience something that fulfills me so much as this.

What, then, am I do to with the incredible opportunities given to me, when it feels so absolutely unfair that I have been afforded them? I haven’t read Lord of the Rings, and there’s certainly a possibility that I take the words of Bilbo’s song out of context, but I can’t help but relate myself to “The Road Goes Ever On.”

The Road goes ever on and on

Down from the door where it began.

Now far ahead the Road has gone, 

And I must follow, if I can,

Pursuing it with eager feet,

Until it joins some larger way

Where many paths and errands meet.

And wither then? I cannot say.

So here’s to pursuing the future with eager feet, and to keeping myself open and ready for the opportunities that somehow present themselves in my life.

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YAS!

-Kristy

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2 thoughts on “Super Exciting News!! (and also some thoughts)

  1. Kristy…I AM EXTREMELY PROUD OF YOU. AS I READ THROUGH SOME OF YOUR BLOGS I SEE NOT ONLY A BRILLIANT WRITER BUT ONE WHO CAN REACH OUT WITH EMOTION TO THE READER. PERHAPS YOU WILL END UP USING THESE INCREDIBLE TALENTS IN YOUR FUTURE. I HAVE ALWAYS LOVED THE WRITTEN WORD AND SPEND MUCH TIME WITH IT. I AM GETING ANXIOUS TO SEE MY GRANDCHILDREN THIS SUMMER AND HEAR MORE OF YOUR WONDERFUL JOURNEY. LOVE YOU MUCH! YOUR GRANDMA MARILYN

    • Hi, Grandma Marilyn! Thank you so much for commenting! I’m sure I get some of my capabilities from you 🙂
      Can’t wait to see you when I’m back in California! I love you, too!

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