I Feel Guilty Sometimes.

And I can’t help it.

I feel guilty for living in Orange County.

I feel guilty for being white.

I feel guilty for coming from a wealthy family,

for being able to go back to college for a second year with hardly any loans,

for living in a two story house,

and for having my parents pay for so much.

I feel guilty paying more than $15 on a shirt or $20 on a dress.

I feel guilty for having a car.

I feel guilty when I have or use things that look “too expensive.”

I feel guilty when I have problems that are small in the “grand scheme of things.”

I feel guilty when I don’t listen to people handing out flyers or to door-to-door salesman.

I feel guilty for being able to afford highlights in my hair.

I feel guilty for not being skinny,

for when I wear clothes in double-digit sizes,

for having food to snack on,

for getting hungry when I’ve eaten only a few hours prior,

and for being able to afford to go out to eat at nice restaurants.

I feel guilty for not being a good communicator,

for having feelings I shouldn’t,

and for not having feelings I should.

I feel guilty for when I disappoint my friends.

I feel guilty when people think I’m a good person.

I feel guilty for using too much water when I shower or wash the dishes.

I feel guilty for getting cavities when the dentist costs so much.

I feel guilty for being “blessed.”

I feel guilty when I assume stereotypes.

I feel guilty when I see and experience some of the hatred my own religion “unknowingly” spreads around.

I feel guilty living in America.

I feel guilty for not being able to experience other peoples’ problems.

I feel guilty for being healthy.

I feel guilty for not reading my Bible more often.

I feel guilty knowing that I’ll probably cry harder when my cat dies than when my grandmother died a few years ago.

I feel guilty for spending too much time inside on my computer.

I feel guilty for not using the pool that my dad works so hard to keep nice and clean more often.

I feel guilty buying expensive grocery products,

but also feel guilty buying cheap, highly processed foods instead.

I feel guilty for spending the Target giftcard my aunt gave me for my birthday all in one day.

I feel guilty when I give people gifts they don’t like.

I feel guilty for not valuing education as highly as I should,

for procrastinating when I should be concentrating,

for not spending enough time on my papers,

and for often not doing all of my class readings.

I feel guilty for not going to parties I’m invited too,

but also for going and not being in a good mood.

I feel guilty when I unintentionally hurt people.

I feel guilty for not being more of a “go-getter.”

I feel guilty accepting beverages when I go to other peoples’ homes.

I feel guilty for when I borrow things and break them or never return them.

I feel guilty for making different friends/ family interact with each other when I think they don’t want to.

I feel guilty for when I get busy and forget to call people.

I feel guilty for living at college when my home is close enough to commute.

I feel guilty for not applying for/ receiving more scholarships.

I feel guilty for not getting a job this summer.

I feel guilty for so, so, so many things.

And it’s not always guilt, all the time.

But it’s a lot of it often enough that I feel terrible about who I am and what I have, sometimes.

From blogger with a highly active consciousness,

Kristy

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